Haunted By My Own Thoughts

As I layed there, clutching Skar and your dog tag, I kept thinking..and thinking and thinking….

“What if..”

And all these different scenarios kept running through my mind.

One of the most prominent ones was “What if he does get sent over seas. What if some thing does happen…what if he dies…”

I couldn’t shake those thoughts, and I still can’t.

Another one I can’t shake is, “What if I’m not good enough?”

Those thoughts are pounding away in my mind, threatening to drive away my sanity and desperately attempting to drive me into a panic attack. And so far, it’s working.

I’m having a hard time keeping myself breathing right, and keeping myself from crying.

The panic is gripping my chest like a vice, squeezing every drop of air from my lungs, forcing my heart to struggle to beat.

I also wonder if my panic and worry wears thin on you, if one day it will be enough to drive you away. This only makes the panic grip me stronger.

In these times, I try my hardest to imagine your warm arms around me, the comforting sound of your heartbeat and breath, but to no avail.

I wish I knew why I get so panicky, so self conscious, so…for lack of a better term, needy…

I hate being this way, I want it to end.

But yet again, my struggles against the panic that plagues me are in vain.

-sigh-

I suppose I’ll end this now, since I can’t find the words to write any more.

I love you.

The Book of Dreams; ~Rayne Nagashi Edition~

Fate,it’s such a funny thing. I used to believe in it,when he was around,but now I’m having my doubts. I promised him we’d always find our way back to eachother,but him not remembering me makes that hard. Who is this person you ask? Xin Hiroshima,my best friend.

And no,he didn’t actually leave…he’s forgotten every trace of me. So even though I see him sitting atop that skyscraper everyday when I go out on patrols,it’s like he’s a stranger. But to him,I’m the stranger. The only things I have left of our friendship are the memories,and this necklace. The two wings,one white and one black,wrapped around one another,showing our bond. Darkness and Azure,opposites in harmony.

But enough about how it is now,I’m here to tell you about what led to this point.

Xin and I didn’t meet in the most conventional way,I rescued him from federal capture. They claimed he stole a large sapphire from the museum,but I knew better. But the trouble didn’t end there. Wherever we went,fiends seemed to find us. The reason wasn’t clear until one particular event.

Xin was pinned to the wall of a citadel by a blade fiend he had kept from attacking me as Count Doku stomped towards him. But it wasn’t Xin Doku was after,it was me. After I made my presence known Doku came after me,causing Xin to lose control of his “other half.” But in the chaos of the battle I was captured. I can still hear Xin calling for me as I was carried away.

I don’t remember much about my time in Doku’s castle,mostly just that he kept calling me “the key.” I didn’t find out till much later that the sapphire was really a doorway to another realm containing a powerful being named Olarious,and my power,Azure,was the key to unlocking his prison. Back then I barely knew this power existed,let alone how to control it,and this frustrated Doku. For what seemed like forever he tried everything to trigger it. Little did he know,in the dead of night I had been learning to master it.

But then Xin found the castle. As he and Doku fought I lost that new found control and my aura flared violently around me,my urge to protect Xin making it stronger than ever. Unfortunately,we were in the sapphire room,and my sudden surge of power “unlocked” the prison and released Olarious.

That was the last time I saw Xin until recently. He saved me and defeated Olarious,but at the cost of his memory. I know deep down he remembers because he came back to this city. But for now,all I can do is try to bring those memories to the surface before they’re lost to the abyss.

~The Book of Dreams; Rayne Nagashi Edition~

Devil’s Tear by Xin Hiroshima

This is a short part of an old book my friend,Xin Hiroshima,was writing when we were still best friends.

You can see his newer stuff on his blog hikarinowillpower.wordpress.com

Please comment this and go comment his blog too =D

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“Why do you insist on following me?” Xin asked as the two crept through the broken citadel beyond the outskirts of the city. “You can’t stop me..” Rayne tossed in angrily as they stopped under a glass dome in what seemed like the prayer room. “But you’re in danger as long as you stay by me…” “I like a little danger, besides is this how you thank the girl who saved you from military arrest?” Xin glared at her as he remembered that day where they had first met. He was being taken away to a base out in the middle of the ocean for presumed robbery of a precious jewel that had been locked away in the city’s museum. She however seemed to believe him over the crowd and bust him out of the helicopter and they were off using a piece of it to grind the city streets. “I hate it when you bring that up…” He turned around and rummaged through the rubble realizing up to this point she had been using that memory to make sure she was always able to tag along. She giggled a bit and sat down in a pew far enough away to not disturb his search. “Besides after a whole six months with you..who’d want to turn away?” He looked up and turned to face her with a raised eyebrow. “Haha, my life can’t be that exciting…” She glared at him causing him to turn around and go back to searching, but after awhile he laughed and sat down. From fighting the army to sailing overseas the two had quite an adventure in such a short amount of time. “What are you looking for exactly?” “Anything we can use as a distraction…if they manage to find us we’ll need it to get away. Sure we can handle the human army but fiend army…I’m not so sure about..” She sighed and lowered her head as he finished speaking. “Ever since we foiled their domination of the Hakumei Islands..they’ve been after us non-stop” She thought as she looked up at the dome towards the moon which shone into the room like a dim night light waiting to be changed. “Why…” Before she finished the sentence in her mind a loud crashing sound came from the dark hallway they had emerged from and dust blew it’s way in. “Already?” Xin thought as he hopped up Esperlancer already in his hand. “Rayne stay back…” “Why..” “Don’t argue with me! I said stay back!!” She took his new tone in shock but quickly recovered and hid behind most of the rubble. “Something’s wrong…we’ve always fought together until now…” Worry flooded her mind but there was no time to react to it for soon the clashing of claw and metal could be heard. “I know…” Xin thought as he tossed a a cat fiend into the air. “She can’t be involved this time…I won’t make the same mistake twice…” He was talking to Dark as he fought. He grinned and mocked the fiends as they charged at him. “Is that all you got cats?! I thought you were supposed to be agile..” He jumped over one and grabbed it by it’s tail and started to spin it around. “Strike..” He tossed it as hard as he could and knocked it into the first wave that was charging at him. “Heh, too easy…” Soon more started jumping from the shadows and cracks in the wall consuming him in a growling ball of fiend. “Get off!!” He roared and started moving his arm so fast it was but a blur to the naked eye and in seconds thousands of bodies were being tossed into the air and all around him. “Idiots…” He thrust Esperlancer behind him as he spoke stabbing a cyclops fiend in the gut as he did. “Oh, I’m sorry..did that hurt?” He laughed and kicked the dying creature off the blade and spun around in time slash a surviving cat in half. “Whoo! I’m just getting started!” Darkness surged around but not evilly just from the pure passion of fighting. Rayne looked up from behind her hiding spot and stared in awe. This was the first time Xin had really let go in front of her. “I knew you could control him…” She said in a whisper. A wandering blade fiend heard her whisper and went charging head on to her position. Xin looked up and saw her head poking out and the giant blade heading towards her. “No!” He jumped into the air and pushed off the cyclops’ dead body and without thinking he took the blunt of the attack but not before taking the blade with him. They flew through the east part of the citadel landing into a crumbling pool room. He was instantly surrounded by more fiends as Doku slowly emerged into the room. With each step he splashed the shallow water into the air causing it to evaporate at his touch. “Ahh so you are the dark one I’ve heard so much about..” Xin pinned to the wall by the blade laughed and spat blood into the water. “Yeah, so what if I am?” “You’re causing me too much trouble…for my sake I will end you now..” Doku withdrew one of his blazing katana from it’s sheath and stomped towards Xin. “Leave him alone!!!” Rayne’s shout echoed throughout the entire room causing everyone to turn their attention to her. “It’s you…” Doku stopped in his tracks and turned to her. “Yes…finally after all these years…” He started to stomp towards her as he laughed his devilish laugh. “Leave her alone…” Xin spoke darkly as he arm shot out and slowly pulled the blade from his gut. “Xin, no…” Rayne said sadly as she watched in horror at the darkness that flowed from his body wildly. In an instant he had knocked Doku clear across the room and had Esperlancer in his hand spinning it around on nothing but the hilt. “Come on…I’ll take all of you on at once…” His grin was spread wide across his face as he laughed. A mask of darkness was quickly spreading from the left side of his face to his right and his eyes were hollow, and pitch black. The transformation had happened again. Rayne fell to her knees as she watched Xin go ballistic on all the fiends in the room. Darkness was flying from Esperlancer freely tearing up the already crumbling building and even tearing a big gash in the ground in right next to Rayne. “Xin..you have to calm down..” She was too afraid to move unlike last time. For some reason she couldn’t get up and stop him. When she looked down she noticed she had her left arm across her body holding herself back. “But, but I have to help him..” She thought as she looked back up at the carnage. The shock had set in and she was easily picked up by Doku and his personal gaurd. Dark turned around in time to see them carrying a unconscious Rayne into the shadows. “Rayne…no…” The mask broke instantly as Xin made a mad dash towards the group but soon the building could take no more and the ceiling collapsed on top of Xins’ body leaving out his head, torso and arms. He dug his left hand into the ground and reached out with his right one as tears slowly started to flow from his eyes. “No, what have I done…Rayne!!!” He shouted to no avail and in the distance he saw the shining of the necklace he had given her. “Rayne…” At that moment his body dropped and his head made a thump and a splash as it hit the draining water. His vision started to fade but the tears wouldn’t stop. “I’m sorry…” Were the last words he muttered before giving out.

Update

Yea,I know I haven’t posted anything in a while,freakin writers block XD

Oh well,I’ll try to get something new up soon,even if it’s stuff I haven’t written XD

But don’t worry,I’ll give credit where credit is due if I use other people’s stuff ^,.,^

The “Nightmare” (Work in progress)

Rayne tossed and turned,sweating in her sleep. “No…no…” she mumbled. Something was going wrong…horribly wrong.
Deep inside her mind,the Hall Of Mirrors was breaking down. An eerie mist covered the ground as thunder crashed in the distance.
Ryuu chuckled madly as her mirror prison began to crack and shatter. “Hahaha,soon I shall be free!” she laughed again “And there’s nothing Rayne or Azure can do about it!” as she finished speaking the mirror finally gave way and completely shattered. The only mirror that seemed to be untouched was Azure’s,but that wasn’t a good thing,because now she was sealed within it.
Ryuu smriked wickedly as she approached it. “What’s the matter Azure?” she asked sweetly as Azure glared back at her “Can you not get out? What a shame.” Her smirk warped into a wicked cackle as she walked away,surveying what was becoming of the Hall. “Ah,this is feeling like home already,now to figure out how to use her body.” Soon lightning flashed brightly and a cold rain began falling over the now ruined mirrors.

Back outside of her mind,Rayne was tossing and turning more violently as Ryuu kept trying to take over. Suddenly,Rayne fell still,a soft giggle escaping her lips. “I’m free!” Ryuu exclaimed as she opened her eyes and sat up. “This is quite a sensation,but I like it.” she smiled as she looked at her hands,opening and closing them a couple times. “Let’s see what kind of trouble I can get in to out here.” she giggled madly as she got out of bed and went to get dressed. “Ugh….all of these are too bright..” she grumbled as she searched through Rayne’s closet. “Ah,here we go.” she smirked as she pulled a black corset from the back of the closet. She put it on,along with Rayne’s usual black pants. “Well atleast she has some taste.” she smirked a bit as she admired the chains on the pants. “Now,to see what kind of trouble I can get into.” she grinned again as she tied Rayne’s sword to her hip, and left the apartment. As she walked,people smiled and waved at her thinking she was Rayne. “Haha,they haven’t a clue.” she thought to herself.

The Coven

“I can’t believe I’ve been reduced to this…” Lucy growled as she tossed yet another rat carcas away. “Vile,disease ridden creatures…”
Lucy had once been a Vampire Princess,held in the highest regards of her coven,but she had made the fatal mistake of falling in love with a commoner.

*************

“Lucy!” her father scolded as he walked into her bedroom.
She was laying on her bed next to Yousei,a blacksmith.
“Father! It’s not what you think!” “How can it not be?! You’re laying in bed next to that…that SCUM!”

*************

Lucy lived in the castle for about a week after that day,but no one had treated the same way. “Word sure spreads fast..” Lucy thought to herself during one of her nightly strolls. Everyone she passed stared at her and whispered to each other about the different versions of the story they had heard. “I heard her father caught them….well..you know..” one of the older Vampire women whispered,a little louder than she should have,to the woman she was walking with. But after a week,Lucy could take it no longer and left the clan. Now,three months after the day she left,Lucy sat in a dark,damp corner of some alley in Birmingham,England.
“No coven will have me anymore..” Lucy sighed as she kicked away a stray cat that had smelled the rat blood. “It seems that being the princess of the most powerful Vampire clan is quite troublesome..” She sighed again as she laid down on the slightly damp,cardboard bed she had made for herself behind a large dumpster. “Goodnight Yousei..” she whispered softly,as she always did,as she drifted off to sleep.
The next morning Lucy was awoken by the sound of a garbage truck coming to empty dumpster,as was usually the case on Wednesdays. “Damn humans..” she grumbled as she silently slipped away,keeping to the shadows as not to be seen.

Now,you may be wondering why a Vampire would be awake during daylight. You see,Vampires do not simply burst into flames when in sunlight anymore,that was bred out many a century ago. Now,they were simply allergic to it,the way some humans are. Instead of bursting into flames,they merely get a severe sunburn,no matter how long they were exposed to the suns rays. But,as long as they stay in the shade,or keep there skin,even very lightly,covered,they could avoid the unpleasant burn.

“I swear,the only thing they’re good for is a food source..” Lucy thought as she wandered through one of the more populated borrows of Birmingham. All around her people were rushing around,talking to each other and on their cell phones. “It’s always rush,rush,rush with them..” She growled a bit as a man on his cell phone bumped into her,not even bothering to apologize to her. The growl wasn’t entirely from annoyance though,the scent of the blood rushing through his veins had sent the familiar fire of blood-lust searing up and down her throat. “Ugh…those rats are already through my system…” she thought,slightly angrily,as she slipped into an alley-way to wait for her hunger to pass.

*************

“Don’t be afraid.” she cooed softly,a gentle smile on her face “It’ll only hurt for a moment.” The shaking boy before her had been told that he was to become a great Vampire noblemen,too bad he didn’t know that Vampires often lied to their prey. “A-alright..” he managed to choke out,his voice strained from his anxiety. Lucy smiled gently again,this time showing her sharp fangs. “That’s a good boy.” she said softly as she sat beside him and ran a slender finger down his jugular.As she did that,the boy shivered slightly,but not from fear this time. Seeing this,Lucy grinned “Are we enjoying ourselves now?” she breathed lightly against the boy’s neck. He simply nodded as he tipped his head away from her,fully exposing his neck to her. “Well,here it comes.” With that,Lucy opened her mouth wide and sunk her fangs deep into his flesh. The boy cried out,whether it was in pain or pleasure Lucy didn’t care. “I-I think that’s g-good enough…” the boy whispered weakly,his voice fading because of the blood loss,but Lucy had never had any intention of turning him,her only objective was to feed.

*************

“Oy! Watch where yer goin’!” Lucy heard someone shout as she walked into the alley,looking back at the crowd of people she was avoiding. “Oh shut up..” she grumbled as she looked down at the homeless man she had nearly stepped on. “Yer ’bout to walk on mi ‘ouse!” the man retorted,getting aggitated now. “Do I really look like I care? Hm?” “Well,ya should! I worked ‘ard on this ‘ere ‘ouse.” he said as he pointed to what looked like a pile of old,moldy boxes thrown together. “Oh? That pile of shit?” Lucy scoffed “That’s not even fit for the rats.” As Lucy spoke the sound of the man’s pulse,quickened by his anger,was slowly making her blood-lust more and more irresistable. Suddenly,it was no longer anger making the man’s pulse race,it was fear. Lucy’s eyes had gone from their normal icy blue,to an eerie and sinister,bright yellow. “Wh-What are ya!” the man studdered as he backed away from Lucy,who was now moving towards him,a wicked,fanged,grin spread wide across her face. “Your worst nightmare.” was all she said before she pounced,draining the man of every last drop of blood.

The “Dream”

“Wh-Where am I?” Rayne asked herself out loud as she looked around.She was standing in the middle of a vast room,filled with what seemed like miles upon miles of rows of mirrors. “You’re in you’re mental realm.” she heard a voice echo around her. “Xin?! Are you in here too?!” “Not like you are.” he chuckled “I can’t physically manifest in here like you.” “Why am I here?” she asked as she began to walk down one of the rows.looking at each mirror.As she looked at them,she frowned slightly noticing that each reflection was slightly different than the one before it,and in turn,slightly different than her. “To find your inner power,and you need to hurry.” as he finished speaking a loud crash came from deep within the room. “You’re mental realm slowly falls apart the longer you’re here without that power.” “How do I find it?!?” “Smash the mirrors,but be careful,the more you smash,the less stable your mind becomes.” with the last word his voice faded away,and she was alone in her mind.”How do I know which one is right…” she sighed as she continued to look over the different mirrors. Some of the reflections seemed to be reaching out to her,yet others acted like they wanted to harm her. Another loud crash came from the distance as she found a mirror with no reflection. “That’s..odd..” she mumbled as she ran her hand over the smooth glass surface. “I think I’ll try this one first.” she thought as she reared back and punched the mirror,shattering it instantly. As it shattered,a large gust of wind kicked up and blew Rayne into the open mirror frame.She grunted a bit as she landed face first on the ground. “What the….” before she could finish her thought a figure stepped from the shadows.The figure looked almost exactly like Rayne,only there was something wrong with her eyes,they seemed almost sinister. “Who are you?” The figure grinned wickedly “Why I’m you,don’t you recognize yourself?”  Rayne slowly got to her feet,her eyes never leaving the figure “So,you’re my inner power?” the figure grinned again “I could be,you just have to accept me.” As Rayne stepped towards her,the figure seemed to be giggling madly. “Be careful,you have to find the power that is truly the one you want,ask her intentions.” Xin’s voice echoed around them both. “Hmph.” the figure frowned “I really hate how he’s always the good one.” as the figure spoke,the true nature of the room was revealed by a bright flash of lightning. All around them were shattered mirrors and destroyed walls.Thunder rumbled,shaking the ground as rain began to pour down on them. Rayne growled as the figures wicked grin returned to her face.”Don’t you like what I’ve done with the place?” she laughed “I could remodel yours for ya too.” “No!” Rayne shouted as she moved towards the only intact mirror frame in the room and stepped through it,back into the Hall of Mirrors. “Hmm,so she does have a dark side…” Xin thought as he watched her go back to searching. “What’s normally different about me when I change?” Xin asked her. “Different about you?” she mumbled as she thought. “What’s different about Xin…hmmm….his aura!” she thought as she started moving faster through the mirrors. Soon she skidded to a stop in front of a mirror surrounded by a faint light blue aura. “This aura looks like mine.” she thought as a louder crash echoed thought the room. “Hurry Rayne,you wont be able to hold up much longer…” “What happens if this place falls apart?” “Just hurry.” was all he replied. “Well,here goes nothing.” she muttered as she punched the mirror,shattering it,just as she had the other,the same strange gust of wind knocking her into the frame.This time she landed on her feet,and looked around. “This looks just like where I was…did I go straight through it?” she asked herself out loud as she turned to head back to the mirror frame. “No,you’re inside the mirror.” a soft voice said behind her. “Who are you?” Rayne asked as she turned to look at the figure. “Azure.” she softly replied. “You don’t really look like me.” Rayne said,as she looked at Azure. Her hair was light blue,the same color as the aura that flowed calmly around her,and her gentle eyes were a steely grey. “I am your ture power given form.” Rayne hesitated a bit but stepped towards Azure. “Will you let me choose when I need you,or take over when you see fit?” “I am yours to command.” Azure replied and stepped towards Rayne “Do you accept me?” she asked as she held her hand out towards Rayne. “I accept you,Azure.” Rayne said as she took Azure’s hand. As soon as they touched a bright flash of Azure surged through the room and out into The Hall of Mirrors,mending each shattered mirror as it went.Once the flash had died away,Rayne slowly opened her eyes,and much to her surprise,she was staring at her bedroom ceiling. “What the…..Was I dreaming?” she thought as she sat up,rubbing her eyes a bit. “Well,if it was just a dream,it was really life like..”  She shrugged a bit and stood up,stretching as she did. “Oh well,no use worrying over a dream.”
Meanwhile,back in the Hall of Mirrors,all was calm,except for one mirror in the deepest part of the Hall. This mirror was shrouded in a dark blue aura which,unlike Rayne’s,gave off a very sinister presence. When Rayne accepted Azure,and the Hall stopped degrading,the “Dark” part of her power was sealed away within this mirror. “Stupid goody two shoes..” Ryuu mumbled angrily as she paced back and forth in her mirror prison. “I will get out,and I will have control. Just you wait. Your precious Xin can’t protect you from me.” she laughed wickedly as she continued walking around her prison,looking for any flaws,or ways of escape.

Hello

Welcome to my new blog.

I kinda stole this idea from my boyfriend,Xin Hiroshima,you can see his blog here –>hikarinowillpower.wordpress.com

I’m just starting out writing,and I wanted to get some oppinions on my work =]